Confidence is a tricky thing. You no doubt have it often enough, but no one can be on 100 percent of the time (even Beyoncé). While it’s normal to have occasional self-doubt about how you look in an outfit or whether you impress your boss with that major work presentation, the bedroom is one place where you want to feel super-comfortable in your skin the vast majority of the time — if not always.
When insecurities trip you up during sex, they mess with your head and keep you from fully reaching your pleasure potential. Essentially, when you’re not all-in during sex (you know, when you’re worrying about your thighs, tummy or oral sex skills rather than how much fun you’re having) it makes it much harder to leave feeling fully satisfied, a sex therapist and licensed psychologist at the Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida. “It’s hard to be open and free during sex when you don’t feel good about your body,” she says.
But it’s not just your own pleasure that’s taking a hit — your insecurities can also mess up your bond with your S.O., “If a partner feels insecure, their behavior and language will show it,” she says. Your insecurity can also transfer to your partner, making them feel insecure. “Sometimes sex can stop totally because of this,” Laino says.
If you’re worried your self-doubt is going to kill your and your partner’s bedroom buzz, there are a few tricks to give your confidence a boost so you can stop getting stressed and start getting off.